TLPTP - Make us laugh edition

Gary Charpentier
Gary Charpentier
Joined: 13 Jun 06
Posts: 2057
Credit: 106181596
RAC: 54899

Mike Hewson

Mike Hewson wrote:
Winterknight wrote:
You really should interview interns before they appear, just in case they are imposters, like some purple kangaroos who seem to have turned up, this year.

I maintain that it still could have been a genuine purple kangaroo. But My Dearest wants me to shut up about it though ..... you know, a 'what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom' kinda thing. ;-)

If you stepped in the poop pile in the morning, it was real.

 

Mike Hewson
Mike Hewson
Moderator
Joined: 1 Dec 05
Posts: 6588
Credit: 315192481
RAC: 311504

For those who feel the need

For those who feel the need to hone up on their digital-shouting-matchplay skills :

internet_algorithm.jpg

Cheers, Mike.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter ...

... and my other CPU is a Ryzen 5950X :-) Blaise Pascal

Chris S
Chris S
Joined: 27 Aug 05
Posts: 2469
Credit: 19550265
RAC: 0

Now I know of this car Chris.

Now I know of this car Chris. Low mileage, well kept. Driven by a little old lady every Sunday to church. The roadworthy check was perfect and a really good mate of mine can let you have it for a mere $500 .....

Wow! Can I have a test drive? Morris Minor? *

While the Fleet Street Virus is now a worldwide infection, 

Well it was, it is now a Wapping great infection :-))

trolls always die if you don't feed them.

Not always, it's like feral pigeons. There is always some old woman who will feed them when the pest controllers aren't looking!

* I have to turn right in about 2 miles, I'd better start indicating now

 

duty_calls.png

Waiting for Godot & salvation :-)

Why do doctors have to practice?
You'd think they'd have got it right by now

Phil-Pi
Phil-Pi
Joined: 7 Jan 17
Posts: 32
Credit: 867513
RAC: 0

This morning I set a personal

This morning I set a personal record for the 100 meter dash!

I'm up to 31 meters!

 

 

Chris S
Chris S
Joined: 27 Aug 05
Posts: 2469
Credit: 19550265
RAC: 0

My dear Sir, I can only

My dear Sir,

I can only assume that you work for the Gas Board or the Electricity company. How long did it take you to read 31 meters?

I can manage 100 metres but you can easily go for lunch, then come back and watch me finish!!

Waiting for Godot & salvation :-)

Why do doctors have to practice?
You'd think they'd have got it right by now

Chris S
Chris S
Joined: 27 Aug 05
Posts: 2469
Credit: 19550265
RAC: 0

(No subject)

funny-pics33.jpg

 

 

Beers are on my tab :-))

 

Waiting for Godot & salvation :-)

Why do doctors have to practice?
You'd think they'd have got it right by now

JumpinJohnny
JumpinJohnny
Joined: 4 Apr 13
Posts: 138
Credit: 680279
RAC: 0

Before you criticize a man,

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, you will be a mile away and he won’t have any shoes.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

mikey
mikey
Joined: 22 Jan 05
Posts: 12678
Credit: 1839078349
RAC: 4016

I can't remember any even

I can't remember any even corny jokes this early in the morning so I am just winning!! But I  can tell you a funny REAL story...we used to get our uniforms for work at a mens clothing store, they even gave some of the guys some keys in case they were closed and guys needed their uniforms, one night one of the guys with the keys was out drinking with a friend and decided to play a joke on the ambulance driver so they stole a manikin from the store. They were standing on the street drinking with this manikin between them when the ambulance drove by, just at the point the ambulance could not avoid anything they threw their 'buddy', the manikin, in front of the ambulance, which promptly ran right over it, and then ran like hell!! They did not get caught because they didn't stop running until each got home, about 3 miles, but the ambulance driver was soooo upset he had to be SHOWN it wasn't a person he had run over before he could calm down enough to then get VERY angry!! He was absolutely convinced he had just run over someone that his buddies had thrown into the street!! The Cops got involved and the ONLY way the 2 guys got caught was the laughing they couldn't control when they heard the story 2 days later when they went back to work!! They guys had to buy a new manikin and apologize to everyone but the story is STILL being told today as a very funny story!!

Chris S
Chris S
Joined: 27 Aug 05
Posts: 2469
Credit: 19550265
RAC: 0

Before you criticize a man,

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, you will be a mile away and he won’t have any shoes.

And make sure you hide his car keys as well ....

Waiting for Godot & salvation :-)

Why do doctors have to practice?
You'd think they'd have got it right by now

David S
David S
Joined: 6 Dec 05
Posts: 2473
Credit: 22936222
RAC: 0

Only very slightly

Only very slightly tangentially related to Mikey's ambulance story, in that it involves an ambulance and not at all funny really... some time around New Year's, an Aurora ambulance was returning to quarters from the hospital here in Naperville* at about 2:30 a.m. when they collided with a car at a major intersection, rolling itself on its side and knocking the car into a traffic light pole and a row of cars on display at the edge of a dealer's lot. Follow-up news story several weeks later reported that the paramedic driving the ambulance was ticketed for failure to stop at a red light. The driver of the car was still in the hospital. So now, I imagine she will sue the paramedic and the City of Aurora, and the city will also have to get a new ambulance** and pay for the repairs to the traffic light and all the damaged cars.

 

*Not sure why; they have a hospital in Aurora too, not too far away.

**It was bent downward behind the cab.

It has taken me even longer to write this than normal because I'm on a train on a route notorious for its bad track. I'm riding the Cardinal to Indianapolis, sitting the station there for a few hours, and then riding the Hoosier State back to Chicago. The reason I'm doing this now is that Iowa Pacific Holdings discovered it wasn't making any money by providing the equipment and on board service and it will revert to Amtrak equipment and service on March 1. Anyway, I'm making even more typos than normal because of the computer bouncing around under my hands, not to mention how much it's jittering in front of my eyes. (And then there's the spell checker red-squiggly-lining what I think is a perfectly good word, but it's harder than normal to check to make sure I spelled it how I think I did.) And that's all with the browser set to 120% size.

David

Miserable old git
Patiently waiting for the asteroid with my name on it.

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