NUMB3RS just for fun

Teacher Arrested at Kennedy National Airport.

Today, an individual later discovered to be a public school
teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule,
and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the attorney general said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.
He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math
instruction.

Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," a Justice Department spokesman
said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and
sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They
use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves
as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common
denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every
country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there
are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If
God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He
would have given us more fingers and toes".

There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was an island in the middle of the lake, over which the kingdoms had been fighting for years.

Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island.

The night before the battle, the knights and their squires pitched camp and readied themselves for the fight.

The first kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had five squires, all of whom were busily polishing armour, brushing horses, and cooking food.

The second kingdom had twenty knights, and each knight had 10 squires. Everyone at that camp was also busy preparing for battle.

At the camp of the third kingdom, there was only one knight, with his squire. This squire took a large pot and hung it from a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal, while the knight polished his own armour.

When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their squires out to fight (this was too trivial a matter for the knights to join in).

The battle raged, and when the dust had cleared, the only person left was the lone squire from the third kingdom, having defeated the squires from the other two kingdoms.

Thus proving that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

...and that was any better?

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel.
The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed.
Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.
Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists!" and then goes back to bed.

Try this one:

Noah's Ark lands after The Flood and Noah releases all the animals, saying, "Go forth and multiply."
Several months pass and Noah decides to check up on the animals. All are doing fine except a pair of snakes.
"What's the problem?" asks Noah.
"Cut down some trees and let us live there," say the snakes.
Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass and Noah checks up on the snakes again. He sees lots of little snakes; everybody is happy. Noah says, "So tell me how the trees helped."
"Certainly," reply the snakes. "We're adders, and we need logs to multiply."

ITV3 8pm Mondays in the UK