SHAVE YOUR HEAD IN THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER
Since your face will already be several shades darker than your head, you'll end up looking like you have a white swim cap on your noggin.
Never even try to answer the question, "Does this make me look fat?" If you say yes, you're in for it - but if you say no, she'll pick up on the split-second pause before you say it, and you'll still be in for it. The best you can do is laugh and say, "There's no way you're getting me to answer that." Hell, you're in for it anyway.........
People whose surname is Toblerone should always take along an empty 'Toblerone' chocolate box when attending interviews for office jobs. This would save your potential employer the expense of having to make a name plaque for your desk, and therefore increase your chances of getting the job.
Don't kick porcupines with
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Don't kick porcupines with bare feet.
A mousetrap, placed on top on
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A mousetrap, placed on top on of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
"FEAR Virus alert If you
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"FEAR Virus alert
If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "FEAR," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous e-mail virus yet."
"FEAR," an acronym, False Expectations Appearing Real.
"We must be the change we wish to see."
Mahatma Gandhi
SHAVE YOUR HEAD IN THE MIDDLE
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SHAVE YOUR HEAD IN THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER
Since your face will already be several shades darker than your head, you'll end up looking like you have a white swim cap on your noggin.
RE: "FEAR Virus alert If
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Other acronyms of FEAR.
(my favourite is f*** everything and run.)
NEVER believe anything you
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NEVER believe anything you read on the Internet.
ALWAYS believe everything that your parents, teachers and a policeman tell you.
Never even try to answer the
)
Never even try to answer the question, "Does this make me look fat?" If you say yes, you're in for it - but if you say no, she'll pick up on the split-second pause before you say it, and you'll still be in for it. The best you can do is laugh and say, "There's no way you're getting me to answer that." Hell, you're in for it anyway.........
If an e-mail says it is
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If an e-mail says it is urgent...You should delete it immediately without opening.
People whose surname is
)
People whose surname is Toblerone should always take along an empty 'Toblerone' chocolate box when attending interviews for office jobs. This would save your potential employer the expense of having to make a name plaque for your desk, and therefore increase your chances of getting the job.
Physics is for gurls!
When your wife asks, "Which
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When your wife asks, "Which one of my friends do you think is sexier?" Just kill yourself. There is no right answer.